This is definitely a story that if I were to tell you each privately you would each chuckle, but when I tell you all at once you guys act all grossed out like I don't know how to censor myself. Whatever. You love it.
I think this is hilarious:
It gets a little hot in the upstairs of our house, so when it's cool out we sleep with one of the windows open, which we did last night. At 5am both Alex and I woke up to what sounded like violent vomiting outside of our window (in the alley behind our house). It wasn't letting up so Alex finally got up and looked out the window. Then he quietly turned around and came back to bed. I asked, "What is that?" And he replied sleepily, "It's a guy walking and vomiting and his friend walking next to him pushing a lawn mower." "Oh," I replied. And we both fell asleep. 5am.
I thought that was funny but then later on that day (today) Alex says to me, "So, I don't know if I told you the whole story about what I saw this morning." I became curious to know what more had happend, "Oh?" "Yeah, so, it was this guy walking and vomiting with his friend walking next to him pushing a lawn mower!"
Nice.
--JB
12 comments:
I need to clarify what JB wrote about because as always she has the WRONG idea of what happenned.
What she failed to mention was that when I returned to bed, she simply could NOT grasp the concept of the scene that I had witnessed. In fact, she actually asked me if the guy had been mowing the lawn (which of course there is none, because its a fricking alley).
Therefore, later in the day, I thought I might clarify precisely what I had seen because clearly she didn't get it (earlier).
So I told her. And she thinks that all I did was repeat myself. Well, yes, I did. But only because she was too sleepy to be smart.
Lest I come off the fool here, it is indeed JB who is the sleepy, sleepy fool.
ahh.. jb pulled a classic 'Bozzolo-women' turn-around. Ask guillaume, i'm pretty good at it myself. God forbid WE come out looking like the fool. About your story.. no words really. I think jb's attempt to make you (alex) look like the fool was lost somewhere between the part where she first said the guy was vomiting and the other pulling a lawnmower. So, no worries.
Nati's soooo right, Alex...Welcome to the club!!! Us, the FoolMen!! You don't have a chance in HELL to come out ahead. Ever. Nunca. Give it up!!
But they're lovely, that's why we marry them.
Having said that, is there any sensible explanation to the combination of vomiting and a lawn mower? I am truly amazed of how little it seems to surprise you guys that those things happen around you. I spent the last 10 minutes thinking what chain of events would lead to that not very common situation. I've seen both things separately, at other hours of the day. Any theories?
I say the lawn mower was stolen. BUT, I'm an optimist.
Yeah, my theory is that after a night of heavy drinking on the porch--and after smashing each bottle of alcohol onto the sidewalk making sure that the little shards of glass are distributed evenly along the block--these two guys decided that they would try to make some money the next day by offering to mow people's lawns (a VERY common profession in this neighborhood). But they realized that in order to accomplish this goal, they would need to get their hands on a lawn mower. So, naturally, they stole one.
I would also like to add here that I told the story just as I remembered it. I think Alex made up the part where I asked him some questions before he came to bed.
Good guess, B, I wouldn't want to be close to a lawn mower going over GLASS, but I guess vomiting inhibits thinking. Alex, are you sure it wasn't a vacuum cleaner? Also...I don't know how to comment on the Diary of JB entries...but let it be known that for some time there was a huge poster of Bon Jovi behind your door. I mean, HUGE.
There was? I remember owning posters, but not their sizes. I'm glad it worked out then!
I remember one day standing in front of the door with my face about 1 inch from Jon Bon Jovi's wishing really hard that I could date him. Then I walked over to the bed and threw myself on it almost ready to cry because I pretty much knew that it was never going to happen. I guess that until that moment, I had some hope.
JB,
Perhaps it would have served you better to aim a bit lower on the faux-metal popularity ladder, like the lead singer for Warrant or the guitarist for Extreme. Or maybe Tico was a smarter choice for you.
It says something about you that you considered only the best.
Personally, I find it interesting that you lusted over a man who looked more feminine than you. I guess that was hard to avoid given the gender-confused musical era of which we speak and your pre-teen propensity to develop and quickly outgrow masculine teenboy features.
I'll be there for you. These five words I SWEAR to you...
I agree with Dad that mowing over a glass covered grass seems pretty scary but on the other hand, mowing over vomit does not seem very attractive either! At any rate, Trinidad is...let's just say ..., So Colorful!!!
Yes, Bon Jovi was taped behind your door for a long while JB.
Another word of advice to Alex about us Bozzolo women: Don't try to beat us at cards either... it's genetic... we kick ass! Just thought that might be a little piece of info to save your ego if you should feel the urge to play one of us in Rummy or something.
Alex has NEVER beat me in a game of cards. Backgammon is a different story, but that's only because that game is based largely on chance, and having good luck is not necessarily my strong suit. Like yesterday when this cracked out guy followed me down the street while I was walking Danger! Dog. Very unlucky. He was friendly, just craked out, and he responded well when I confronted him about following me. Actually, I don't know what he responded because his words were a jumble of mumblings--but POLITE mumblings.
Carla is SO right. I love Mom more than my life, but maybe you all noticed we don't play cards anymore. There is always this point in the game where she (or any Bozzolowoman)starts feeling sorry for herself, almost in tears, complaining how bad her hand is, and then out of the blue, like a lightning bolt, all the cards come down and she KILLS YOU, but they manage to STILL complain as if it was a BAD thing that they get to KILL you. And when you complain, they even get mad at you. It's a bad situation, Alex. Don't go there. You lose. BAD.
With affection and love for all the Bozzolowomen,
The Curator of 603 Beech. St.
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