Ghetto fabulous

Well, I think that if we were all sitting around at 603 Beech one of the things we'd definitely be talking about is how Alex and I live in an "up-and-coming" neighborhood. Yes, in case you haven't heard, we have moved to the ghetto. I wouldn't be so quick to call it that if certain key events hadn't occurred in the short one-month span that we've been there. For those of you I haven't kept in the loop (because of my tired old "school" excuse--which expires in two weeks [hurray]), here's the list of qualifications for living in a (superficially) shitty neighborhood (Nan, can we say "shit" on this blog?):

1. I woke up two days ago (8am) to the sound of a very drunk/high woman screaming at FIVE cops to not "fucking touch her" on the stoop out front. After the police took her away, she kindly left her empty 40 oz. beer can and Burger King leftovers on the sidewalk right next to the chicken wings that someone had left a few days before.
2. I came home from walking the dog the other day to find that someone had stolen our only bush right out of the front yard. Dug it right out of the ground. Awesome.
3. Walking on the sidewalk means walking on glass. And walking in the grass means walking in dog turds. Often, walking in the grass also means wading through condoms.
4. The prostitutes on our block haven't been around for a while, but the guys keep coming and honking at whatever woman is walking down the street (someone taught them well to never give up! Their hope is inspirational.). Oftentimes, this is me. Do prostitutes walk dogs?
5. I frequently get asked by older drunk men if they can walk down the street with me--or maybe come see me later on that night. It's flattering, for sure, but if I said yes to everyone then no one would feel special.
6. The backyard of a neighbor's house caught fire a few weeks ago. It was a pretty big fire--personally, I think it could have easily taken the block if it had gone on much longer. Everyone just stood around and watched. Then the fire truck rolled up. No siren no nothing. I think they might have even pushed it there with the gear set in neutral. They were definitely in no hurry.
7. A week or so ago our neighbor beat up the drunk/high woman who was sleeping on his porch. Alex says I'm not allowed to tell this story because I didn't witness it and he did. But I heard it!
8. Almost every dog in our neighborhood is a pit bull, or a more exotic mix of a pit bull and shar pei. Not surprisingly, everyone in our neighborhood is afraid of dogs.

Once we replace the glass-/sawblade-/crack bag-infested dirt in our backyard with actual earth and some grass, we'll have everyone over for a barbeque!!

-JB